In the South, we're not crazy...we're eccentric!

Announcement:  Auburn Sis and Mr. ECU are officially moving home to Atlanta!!  Alert!  Alert!  2009 is going to be an awesome year, y'all!  Happy day!  We are all SO happy to finally have them home again.  :::chair dances in glee:::

So Auburn Sis got onto me today on Facebook because I didn't mention the bowl game ECU was playing in on last night's blog.  Thats because they are playing in a GOOD bowl game and thus will be discussed in today's blog.  But before I get into my picks, let me pause for a WTF moment.  Supposedly, the further into the New Year you play, the more important your bowl game is.  So what the hell are the International Bowl and the GMAC Bowl doing wedged in between the BCS Bowl Games in January?  Seriously, these bowls stick out like the ugly legacy chick that the sorority HAD to pledge because her biological sisters would have pitched a fit and her Mom was on the board for nationals...oh yeah, and there might have been a building on campus named after someone in her family.  Yeah, the International Bowl and the GMAC Bowl are the girls you assign the "important" duties of counting votes during rush or coordinating behind the scenes activities.  I.E. - "Hide the ugly / socially akward chicks." 

Now, onto the nitty gritty - lets pick some winners (and losers!)...

• Roady's Humanitarian Bowl:  Maryland vs. Nevada.  Ok, I don't really care what Roady's really is.  In MY world a roady is a beverage that you take with you between parties or "on the road".  On road trips, especially involving college football, we LOVE us some roadies!  So CHEERS to you, Humanitarian Bowl!  Thanks for spreading the "love" and alcoholic beverages to all of us.  So Maryland is playing Nevada in Boise, Idaho.  Ok, NOW I get why you guys need the booze!  Seriously, Boise?  My pick is Maryland because I just don't know enough about Nevada to care.
• Texas Bowl:  Western Michigan vs. Rice.  Wait, whaaaat?  Western Michigan made it to a bowl and Auburn didn't?  :::jaw is dropped:::  I was actually set up on a blind date with a troll who had played football at Western Michigan last year.  Honestly, the WORST blind date EVER.  My friends STILL laugh at the thought of me on a date with this guy.  He actually blew AND picked his nose at the table and left his tissues (really, napkins) all over the table.  Then he informed me he was "Feeling snotty."  I shit you not.  I think the term, "repulsed" would be a good one to describe how I was feeling.  Oh yeah, and he then proceeded to order 3 appetizers, a HUGE entree, and even ate off of my plate.  The final nail in the coffin (as if another was needed!) was him informing me that his idea of culture was drinking a micro brew, because imports were just for snobs.  He made fun of me for drinking a Smithwicks.  His idea of cooking was bologna sandwiches or a frozen pizza.  When I asked the girl who set me up with this troll WHY she would possibly think I would like someone like him, she said he reminded her of my ex boyfriend.  :::stunned silence:::  Yeah, so there's a reason why we broke up??  And for future reference, SO not my type!  I pick Rice.  I used to work with a cutie who went there.  Hmmm, I wonder how he's doing nowadays???
• Pacific Life Holiday Bowl:  Oklahoma State vs. Oregon.  Oh goodie, its a fashion nightmare on the football field vs. Mike Gundy on the sidelines.  I wonder what Nike will come up with for this game?  Plaid pants with a paisley top?  Army already did the camo uniforms this year, but maybe Oregon state will do their colors in camo?  Either way, it will probably be fugly.  Meanwhile, the Cowboys will be all "Yeehaw" and such.  I will therefore make my picks based on old high school mascots.  My old school in Florida were the Cowboys.  Ipso facto, I choose Oklahoma State.  Go Cowboys! 
• Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl:  Houston vs. Air Force.  Well, although the Colonel was, well, a full bird in the Air Force, I'm picking Houston in this game.  Why?  Because I can.  This one is too boring to talk more about.
• Brut Sun Bowl:  Oregon State vs. Pittsburgh.  Ok, does anyone else find it hillarible that a Bowl game is sponsored by a terrible cologne?  WAIT, GET THE F OUT!  The Village People are their half time show!  This is too awesome for words.  Cologne.  The Village People.  And Beavers.  Bad cologne and Gay Icons in a game played by Beavers?  Seriously?  I am without words.  Of course I pick Oregon State.  I have to cheer for the Beavers in this one.  Oh the lulz.  
• Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl:  Boston College vs. Vanderbilt.  Oooooh, here's a barn burner!  Its the Southern old money blue bloods who like football vs. the Yankee old money blue bloods who like football.  Seriously, can you imagine the conversations?  "Muffy, I'd like you to meet my dear friend Kitty.  Kitty is in her second year at Vanderbilt."  "Buffy von Buffington, please meet Alexander le Douche, the 5th.  He's a 4 time legacy from our family at BC."  Its like a competition to see who can out snob one another.  Since BC graduated their premiere player last year (much to the happiness of all Atlanta Falcons fans) I will choose Vanderbilt (Hell, they are the literal home team for God's sake).  Besides, choosing against the SEC after my school isn't even in a bowl might get me kicked out of the club.  Besides, Heavy Metal and B'ham Man would hurt me if I didn't pick them.
• Insight Bowl:  Kansas vs. Minnesota.  Bored now.  Must choose.  Eeeny meeny...  I choose Minnesota because I know more people from there.  Besides, its so frickin' cold up there this time of year that they have to live like hampsters in one of those fancy cages with the interlocking tubes.  And Target is from Minneapolis.  I loves me some Target.  Yeah, I pick Minnesota.
• Chick-Fil-A Bowl:  LSU vs. Georgia Tech.  Oh shit.   What to do?  A SEC team vs. another literal home team.  And I know a lot more Georgia Tech grads (Hell, 90% of the LSU fans I know didn't actually go to school there.  Wait, now that I think about it, did any of my friends who are LSU fans go to school there?  :::jeopardy theme song plays in her head:::  Yes, ONE person did.  Holy sidewalk fan nation, Batman!).  Dark Diva has already threatened my life if I don't pick Georgia Tech.  Frankly, they are the home team anyway.  LSU travels well, but either way its a win-win situation for me.  Either the SEC wins or my friends alma mater wins.  Yes folks, most people who cheer for Georgia Tech ACTUALLY went to school there (when they actually remember that its football season, ahem).  Nerds vs. the cajuns.  Pocket protectors vs. the Pimp Nation.  Uhh, errr...I can't choose!  I will be killed either way.  Ok, FINE.  I think LSU will win, but I will cheer for Georgia Tech.  I seriously want to see the pimps and ho's on the streets of Atlanta and the Georgia Tech students STARING in stunned silence.  Side note:  I love this bowl game.  I was even a Peach Bowl hostess when I was in college.  I've been for the past two years and last year had pimp club level seats when Auburn played Clemson.  :::pauses to wipe the tears out of her eyes. Whyyyy God?  Whyyyyyy???:::
• Outback Bowl:  South Carolina vs. Iowa.  Ok, I'm going to redeem myself with this one.  I choose South Carolina!  Seriously, the mullet fest at this game will be epic.  The Iowa fans will be in awe of the fact that the SEC girls are dressed up for the games.  Its perfect that this game is played in Tampa because Tampa is a beautiful marriage of redneck and yankee.  Mullets aren't uncommon, thus both South Carolina (fratty boys whose hair toes the line o' mullet) vs. Iowa fans (who grow them to keep their necks warm in winter) will fit right in. 
• Capital One Bowl:  Georgia vs. Michigan State.  Ok, I also have a warm place in my heart for this bowl game.  A group of us went down to Orlando for this one a few years ago and although Auburn lost, the days leading up to the game were awesome.  We spent practically the entire time at the Universal theme parks.  New Years Eve at Universal Studios.  Jager Bombs with Jager and friends.  Good times.  Then we lost the game and the rest of the trip went down hill from there...  BUT Georgia is playing in the game this year and I can happily cheer for the Dawgs in this one.  Did you see that, Mr. UGA?  Dawg Dude?  I said Dawgs.  Happy now? 
• Konica Minolta Gator Bowl:  Nebraska vs. Clemson.  Ok wow.  Remember when this game was JUST the Gator Bowl?  And whatever happened to the Tangerine Bowl?  Didn't that get renamed or did it just die?  Anyway...Nebraska fans can content themselves by getting the hell outta Nebraska and getting to go to sunny Florida...sunny Jacksonville, Florida.  Wow, that sucks.  Take a clue from the Georgia and Florida fans when they play there, just get really really drunk and you won't notice what a hole that place is.  Trust.  Easy choice, I pick Clemson.  Auburn with a lake.  If I squint, I can pretend its my  team on the field.  
• Rose Bowl game Presented by Citi:  Penn State vs. USC.  Waaaiit a damn minute.  How come the Rose Bowl gets to be "presented by" when all the rest of these bowl games have their names slaughtered by lame ass sponsors like magicJack?  Not to mention their shitty ass excuse of "tradition" to only have this game played between Big 10 and Pac 10 schools.  That is such utter and complete BULLSHIT I can't believe it actually is allowed.  Seriously, this is supposedly a BCS bowl game but ONLY teams from two conferences can play in it?  So if a team from another conference is ranked higher than another, they still have to go to "their" bowl game.  (I also have issue with the other BCS bowls doing similar things, but the Rose Bowl in particular pisses me off since they go on and on about tradition and it matters less and less most years).  I will admit that THIS year's game will be interesting.  Joe Pa vs. Pete Carroll.  The Trojans vs. The Nittany Lions.  However this is practically a home game for the Trojans.  Poor Joe Pa just had a hip replacement and the Rose Bowl doesn't lend itself to him being in a sky box making calls.  He's already said  he's worried he'll have the stamina to coach the entire game.  I don't know what I'll be watching more, him (to make sure he doesn't just drop like a stone on the sidelines) or USC's hottie quarterback, Mark Sanchez.  Oh, who the hell am I kidding?  Arriba!  USC wins. 
• FedEx Orange Bowl:  Cincinnati vs. Virginia Tech.  Hey look, its another school with a good coach that we didn't hire!  I grew up with this Bowl game in South Florida (although the old Orange Bowl was in a verrrry shady neighborhood and we did NOT go there - you had to pay people to NOT vandilize your car when you were in the stadium.  Seriously.  It was like protection money.  "Here is $20 to park in your yard, $20 to not break into my car and steal my stereo, and $20 more to make sure no one else does either.").  Does it bother anyone else that people make fun of Auburn for supposedly having 3 mascots (even though we don't, look it up people - I'm tired of repeating myself) no one blinks when Cincinnati calls themselves the Bearcats?  Whats next?  The fighting Jackelopes?  Wait, out of morbid curiosity I googled bearcats and holy crap, they DO exist.  Seriously, WHY would anyone choose THIS as their mascot?  I don't know a single Cincinnati grad and I know a few Hokies (gobble gobble!) so I'll be cheering for Coach Beemer and his team to win this one.  
• AT&T Cotton Bowl:  Ole Miss vs. Texas Tech.  I'll be the cell phone coverage at this game will still suck if you're an AT&T customer.  And hey, can I get a serving a bitter with that slice of crow while I watch this bowl game on television?  Because seriously, seeing Mike Leach coach after we didn't even TALK to the man...  I seriously am still ill about that one.  Good old Houston F-Nutt is now coaching the Rebs and they are in their first bowl game in a few moons, me thinks.  I'm too bored to look this up so if I'm wrong, it would't be the first time.  I'll be picking Ole Miss to win this one to make up for my not choosing LSU in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.  
• AutoZone Liberty Bowl:  Kentucky vs. East Carolina.  Oh damn.  Mr. ECU might kill me for not picking the Pirates.  Arrrr, Mateys.  No worries here.  I only know a few people from Kentucky and they may not even realize that they are playing in a bowl game since its basketball season already.  This bowl game is in Memphis so you guys will get to enjoy some good barbeque, blues, and Southern Hospitality.  So go purple and gold!  Beat the Wildcats.  
• Allstate Sugar Bowl:  Utah vs. Alabama.  Ok, really?  Have the Sugar Bowl people seriously lost their damn minds?  First they chose Hawaii and now Utah?  I know Utah fields a good team and that they have been surprisingly good this year, but the game is played in New Orleans and for God's sake, half their fans are Mormon.  If they have 1/4 of the dome filled I will be shocked.  This one is a no brainer.  Although it  pains me (PAINS) to admit it, Bama is going to beat the crap out of the Utes in this game.  They are still pissed about losing to Florida in the SEC championship game.  Hell, this one is a win-win situation for me if I think about it.   If Bama wins, its a SEC win.  Yey SEC.  If Bama loses, Auburn fans across the nation will rejoice.  But seriously, I hate Bama.  If they lost, I would not be upset.  Hell, I may even cheer for Utah...although they will lose.
• International Bowl:  Buffalo vs. Connecticut.  Okkkkkk, WTF?  Here's a bowl game that seriously needs to be rescheduled to prior to the New Year.  This is like God looking down on Auburn fans and saying, "And just in case you needed to be reminded what an absolute Asshat your Athletic Director is, you can now watch Turner Gill and his team play in a bowl game.  On January 3rd.  Chew on that, Auburn fans."  I will be at a party, thank God, so I won't be able to watch this one and curl up into a fetal position on my living room floor while clutching a bottle of Gentleman Jack.  I will be cheering for Buffalo.  Its the least I can do since my alma mater totally dicked over their coach. 
• Tostitos Fiesta Bowl:  Ohio State vs. Texasssss.  Hmmmmm...this ones a tough one.  I've seriously enjoyed watching Ohio State get beaten by SEC teams.  Texas sometimes gets on my last ever living nerve (and I still don't like Will Muschamp).   However part of me still really enjoys watching the Buckeyes get beat.  Maybe its because EVERY damn year they are chosen as the pre season lords of the gridiron and every year it seems, the pundits seem to overlook the fact that they were WRONG and repeat the same mistakes.  So Austin is cool.  I like most of the Texas grads I know.  Hook 'em, Horns!
• GMAC Bowl:  Ball State vs. Tulsa.  Hey guys, look!  Our new Offensive Coordinator is from Tulsa!  Lets cheer for him!  Wait?  Whats his name?  Gus Malzahn?  Isn't he the leader of that cluster fuck of a debacle that led to Houston Nutt leaving Arkansas and the students he coached almost all leaving Arkansas in a lurch?  Wait, we hired HIM?!  And didn't we interview Ball State's coach?  The irony of this is killing me.  I'm cheering for Ball State. 
• FedEx BCS National Championship Game:  Florida vs. Oklahoma.  Wait a minute, didn't FedEx already sponsor a bowl?  Hey UPS, get in the damn game here!  What can brown do for us??  Ok, onto the show!  This ones for the big crystal foosball!!  For only the 2nd time in history, we'll have two Heisman trophy winners playing each other in a bowl game.  But the Heisman curse will prevail and the Gators will beat Oklahoma.  History has shown that the current Heisman winner generally loses the big game.  Sorry, Sammy boy.  This is a home game for Florida.  They are an incredible football team this year.  Oklahoma can circle the wagons and all that crap but Tim Tebow has Jesus as his co pilot.  He's rollin' with the official homies.  Besides, did you SEE the video of him during the FSU game?  He looked like friggin' William Wallace (thats Braveheart for you plebes) running around on that sideline.  Unreal.  GO GATORS. 

It wouldn't be appropriate for me to end this year's football bloggery without mentioning the continuing joke that is going on down in Auburn.  So, in no certain order here is the latest news from the Plains:

• Iowa State hired the AUBURN Defensive Coordinator, Paul Rhoads, as THEIR coach.  When Gator Dad told me this while we were in NYC we were having drinks at a bar and I literally almost fell off the little stool I was sitting on.  Seriously, this entire season has been like one continuous punch line.  Someone make the insanity STOP.  Rhoads was the ONE coordinator we should have kept.  I am beside myself.  I seriously hope Iowa State goes undefeated next season.  That would be yet another karmic bitch slap of epic proportions.  Oh yeah, and our running backs coach was interviewing at Tennessee. 
• Pat Forde adds his two cents about us hiring Chizik.  He keeps it simple, "What the hell were you thinking?"
• Auburn hires Gus Malzahn as their Offensive Coordinator.  Wait a flipping minute here.  We seriously can't learn from our own frakking mistakes so now we are repeating the ones ALSO made by other SEC schools?  First of all, we screwed the pooch by hiring Tony Franklin and then not embracing his offense.  Guess what, Arkansas did the same thing with Gus Malzahn a few years ago.  Remember that little cluster?  So NOW Auburn is going to embrace a no huddle offense?  When we summarily rejected it under a GOOD coach like Tuberville?   *(#%()#!#@&!!!  At least the Auburner has a good take on this. 
• One of our best players is going into the NFL draft.  Seriously?  I'm surprised its just Sen'Derrick leaving.  I figured a tidal wave would start. 
• Heyyyy look!  Patrick Nix got fired as the OC at Miami.  This article makes it almost look like Nix was intentionally ignoring Shannon, thus sabotaging the Canes.  I LIKE IT!  Its a good thing that just happened or Auburn would have hired him as their offensive coordinator because they like hiring homers.  No offense Patrick, I actually like you...but if Auburn had hired you I might have lost my damn mind.  Gus Malzahn is bad enough.  Hey, you guys want to bet Nix ends up with some sort of job at Auburn?  Anyone wanna put money on that?  Didn't think so.  He's probably already in Auburn looking at real estate.  Actually, the more I think about it, I actually like the idea.  Welcome home Patrick!  We need some good old fashioned solid people back there. 
• Looks like Coach Dye is being asked to get more involved in the football program again.  For God's sake people, can't you just let the man stay retired?  He's a living legend on the Plains but this is 2008, not 1988!!
• Hey, at least this is funny...  Ba dum, dum, CHING!
• An interesting article about the choices AD's have to make when hiring a new coach.  Of course, I still think Jay Jacobs is an idiot...

Mr. UGA loves to point out that I always seem to bring the topic of my blogs and picks (even during March Madness, stay tuned!) to Auburn.  My question is, whats your point??